The Curse Of Perfectionism And The Hyperactive Brain

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It is almost 4 a.m. and I am still not in bed. Listening to an amazing music mix from this site .
I am thinking about perfectionism. These days I am all over the place, doing all kind of things and they leave me frustrated cuz nothing seems good enough.

On the one hand good- I am creating stuff, I have tons of ideas– nothing business related- just creativity for my satisfaction.
I am painting, sewing, scetching, colouring, doing wood works, writing and everything all together , chaotic- one day this, the other day or minute that. And while I am doing one thing, my mind already jumps to the next new ideas. Rollercoaster of thoughts.
On the other hand, because of my restlessness , in my hyper- state I want to do everything at once, realize my ideas- NOW!
And it feels like I don’t have the time to dig into the matter and become better. Which ends up, me doing a bit here and  a bit there. Or maybe I actually have the time and don’t allow myself to stay focused on one thing? Or can’t?

Perfectionism – Learning- Impatience – Restlessness – Self Esteem – Trust

One problem  is perfectionism.
I don’t remember when I became so perfectionistic. Continue reading

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Hello Motivation! WHERE ARE YOU???!*#!

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OMG! I am so unmotivated!

Can’t seem to make up my mind on what and where to start!

I haven't painted that! I would love to be able topaint like this! It's just the photo software.

I haven’t painted that! I would love to be able to paint like this! It’s just the photo software and a pic of my messy table.

I made myself such a beautiful plan of tasks to reach goals , full of post-it papers  in all colours and precisely sorted.

And now I am stuck again!:-(
How to get motivated? I am even too unmotivated in doing nothing!!!

The sun is shining and it is warm outside, the best weather to go out in the parc and collect herbs.

My flat is a mess! In my sleeping room I have to move around piles of clean clothes,
I haven’t put in place yet and step around piles of clothes on the floor that I have to sort out.

My work space is full of piles of paper, empty bottles and dirty dishes, books, pens, full ashtray.

And tonight there is a party, I wanted to go to. Even this free time amusement IS STRESSING ME OUT!!!

 

I could just start with doing ONE thing, that will uplift me. But….

See, my bad mood is rising clouds outside! Maybe it will rain? So I cannot go and collect herbs today!!!
Yippie! task moved…procrastinated…to an unknown date…

ISN’T IT REALLY STRANGE THAT EVEN THE THINGS THAT ARE FUN TURN OUT TO  STRESS ME OUT???
AND THAT I CAN’T GET MOTIVATED EVEN FOR FUN THINGS???

messy_floor

And the other thing is: I actually know how to help myself, I could burn some incense, get some essential oils that will get me motivated, but WTF!!!
I am especially unmotivated in helping myself!

Days like this….
I will leave you and me here without any solution, no advice…just an unmotivated mood!

Hey see, I actually got motivated to write this post, at least! Hurray???

Desperate housewive cleaning day… Why does it take so long?

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I decided today to clean my windows and  frames. As the sun is shining I see for days and months how dirty they are.
This time I decided not to do the cleaning while listening to punk music or any other fast music as I usually do, but I listened to Mozartt’s Requiem and Dead Can Dance. Beautiful music and slow. that in fact was quite good and I kinda cleaned in meditation.

DSC00481_window

Neat and clean window see-through

 

So I tried to stay focused and managed most of the time to do so, while taking a cigarette and spider solitaire break after every window. But still it took me ages. I needed that breaks, to not be too exhausted and finally stop my task, but puh! that took so long!

Went out later for food with a good friend and when I came back, I worked on cleaning the living room and do the dishes.

It feels like a whole day cleaning till late night and still my table is a mess, the hallway and sleeping room, too!

But I have shiny clean windows and my plants are nicely cut.
Is there any way ever to not feel like,  the whole day is gone when I do the cleaning and then it seems like nothing or very little have I  actually been done? 😦

In a way I know the answers:
If  I would do the cleaning very regular, like every day things wouldnt bee such a mess.
If I clean my windows on a regular base they wont be so dirty.
When everythig has its place. And if I place it back there after use.
If I would throw out many things.

andandand…I can hear my Mum’s advice ringing in my  ear….

Everything totally logic. But, it seems impossible to me to have and keep my house clean. And even when it is clean it is a mess very soon again. There are so many much more interesting things to do than cleaning! Like, making a mess. That is Logic! 🙂
Also it seems impossible to find a place for my things and especially putting them back to where they belong.

I would love to have a clean and tidy house. It would help me focusing, too. But I am horryfied  and bored, to do some coaching and get myself organised in that point. Seems such a waste of time…

And btw: Why do passing strangers, in particular men, think that cleaning windows is some private show just for them??? Even when I wear my old washed out ugly shirts?
My friend suggested to get some cleaning dress or appron with flowers, like some older ladies wear when they do the house work. I ll ask my grandma for one of hers!

Just in case I clean my windows again soon. 😉

Vitamin supplements and Fishoil?

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On so many websites and also books, I always come across dietary supplement pills, when it comes to Alternative treatment of ADHD.
I just wanna give my 2 cents and more to this discussion. I am not saying I know everything and I am not denying anyones experiences, I just wonder…. ask, and think aloud!

Getting tested for a vitamin deficiency

Food Not Bombs flyer

Food Not Bombs flyer (Photo credit: Toban B.)

Actually I don’t like the idea of taking vitamin pills and other supplements, for no severe health problem reason. It is true that  a deficiency can have a negative effect on nerves, behaviour, concentration, the body itself. And I am not saying that vitamin supplement is a never ever!
It is possible to  test a malnutrition and a malabsorption in any laboratory as long as I can afford it. There are specific blood tests, etc. There are also tests, to check if our body is capable of absorbing the vitamins and minerals out of the food we eat and if our body is capable to metabolize what it gets.
When can afford  food and prepare a healthy meal and as long as we don’t suffer from some illness or condition, that makes our body uncapable of absorbing or metabolizing vitamins and minerals, there is most often not a problem with a vitamin defiency, i my opinion.

I wonder, why is there often an advice for supplementary vitamins and minerals when it comes to ADD?

Is there a proven connection between ADD and malnutrition?

Continue reading

music and writing and loud thinking

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(c) thefemmeaddon.wordpress.com

Street Art in Hamburg, Germany © thefemmeaddon.wordpress.com

So I am thinking to start to write about the Bach Flower Remedies like I pronounced. I am thinking about what to write,  while I am listening to a youtube channel Motown 60`s music and I have difficulties thinking.

Either thinking and writing or listening to music…. ??? Continue reading

I need to clean the bathroom…

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…but before that I will just have a smoke on the balcony, the sun is shining so nice 🙂 Oh and as I sit here, I might as well write done some ideas about organising myself. Or hey, why not write a blog about ADD?

I recently found out / suggest / be pretty sure about having Adult ADD.
My partner gave me a hint several times, I did not notice her “hints” at all. When? Where? Last time she told me twice straight ahead: ” Oh You have ADD!”

First of course denial ~ I am not that hyperactive, more active in my mind than jumping around, I was good in Elementary school… Well the common misunderstandings of ADD and especially Adult ADD and Women with ADD. The most frequent picture we get in TV and reports about AD/HD is a little screaming and running around boy. Stereotypes. And mostly not nice! ( The poor parents… irony).

So I spend a whole night on the internet, reading about symptoms, stories, diagnosis criteria, different forms of AD/HD. Ups!

That is ME!!!

Disorganised? Totally! Always!
…wandering mind…drifting…
can hear noises & gets all conversations in a crowded place…
Talkative with others- A Lot!!!
Interrupting and impatient…uhhh, yes….
In fact I always “blamed” that on my greek mediterranean heritage…

Or not meeting anyone at all.
Suffering from misunderstandings.
Hard time having  “real friends”.
Beeing so overwhelmed, nervous all tiime, busy with thoughts, distracted, veeeryyy sensitive, easy to hurt.

Difficulties keeping up the contact with friends.
I just dont contact them often and regulary enough ~ calling, sms, mail: I am so bad with that.

But hey! ” I thought of You a lot!:)”
And hey! Calling my friends is on my To-Do-List!
There it stands on that piles of papers on my desk:

TO-DO-LIST :
call xyz
get a shower, wash hair
do the dishes
get prepared for work appointment, dont forget to take this and that
meeting  xys on 8 o`clock
Cook food

Yeah, but now I got distracted/ drifted away again, from what I wanted to write actually. That will be my next post:

The 15-minute-timer or In search for an ADD-coaching book.
Btw: I really did clean the bath, after writing!  well done Me! :-))