How Pressure, Finances And Deadlines Make Me Suddenly Work With ADHD

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Wow!

It has been ages since I wrote in my blog.

This was a crazy busy year with severe health issues in my family, suddenly finding myself close again to my parents and having to take care of them. I might tell You some other time about the stress, emotional conflict and overwhelm , this sudden caretaking caused.

Having to leave  my hometown so often , my business was running very low or better say crawling and actually resting!
That caused several financial panic attacks: In summer I was so broke I had no idea how to buy food for me and my cat. Of course the cat got sick, too and had to go to the Vet, which sure I did but therefor even had less money. Useless to say, that my bank account was on the maximum line of credit.

However this ADD mind of mine works, I
1. Procrastinated earning some money and remained in a state of panic
2. Finally, under extreme financial pressure, I started to write job applications for all kind of jobs that I was not   really interested in – I love being self-employed!
3. Eventually I wrote applications for 2 schools to work as a teacher for Aromatherapy – Yes! I actually wanted to apply there long-time!
4. Recherched and checked out ways how to pay less for health insurance and wrote several letters to my insurance to pay less and get some money back from years before, something that was on my to-do-list for long, too.

 Momentary Happy-end: 🙂

1. I now pay less for health insurance and even got some money back.
2. I am still self-employed! 🙂
3. I rented out part of my practice space- another thing I wanted to do for a year now! So that saves me some money each month.
4. I got both jobs as a docent for Aromatherapy! Hurray! :-))
Happily  one of them already started in September and the next part of the lecture is next week. …well yes, i am procrastinating or not prioritizing right now, as i should either prepare my lecture or go to bed! Anything BUT  writing in my Blog! well, well, …
5. A friend of mine asked me to give a paid!!! Workshop on Bodylanguage and Massage. Which I did last weekend.

The  result:

After having less money then none at all I have some o.k. money for now.

After having no paid work for a long time I have to give two 4 day – lectures on Aromatherapy in a school in my town and two 8 hour workshops in Berlin. All of that in 2 months…including preparing the lectures!

Which means: Stress! Excitement! Stress! Panic, too! Excitement! Work!

And look at me:
Suddenly I am there, preparing everything in short time, being structured and working.
Suddenly I am doing and arranging things that have been sitting untouched on my to-do-list for ages.

What is this?

I have to admit I only work under extreme pressure.

I am actually a bit  ashamed to say that. Even though I know how I work or how my brain works.
I mean, I had A LOT of work!
I was really afraid and panicking I won’t be able to prepare the Aromatherapy course in time. Especially after i had to follow a given and broadly defined lecture plan, having no idea what they were actually asking for.
I had very LITLLE TIME for preparation!
Every job was and is in a short time. One after the other.

This is how my brain works.
I hope my heart can cope with this panic and extreme rhythm, too.
Panic and Stress means Adrenalin and Dopamin.
And that makes me run and work and structure myself like I could not do before! Continue reading

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The Curse Of Perfectionism And The Hyperactive Brain

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It is almost 4 a.m. and I am still not in bed. Listening to an amazing music mix from this site .
I am thinking about perfectionism. These days I am all over the place, doing all kind of things and they leave me frustrated cuz nothing seems good enough.

On the one hand good- I am creating stuff, I have tons of ideas– nothing business related- just creativity for my satisfaction.
I am painting, sewing, scetching, colouring, doing wood works, writing and everything all together , chaotic- one day this, the other day or minute that. And while I am doing one thing, my mind already jumps to the next new ideas. Rollercoaster of thoughts.
On the other hand, because of my restlessness , in my hyper- state I want to do everything at once, realize my ideas- NOW!
And it feels like I don’t have the time to dig into the matter and become better. Which ends up, me doing a bit here and  a bit there. Or maybe I actually have the time and don’t allow myself to stay focused on one thing? Or can’t?

Perfectionism – Learning- Impatience – Restlessness – Self Esteem – Trust

One problem  is perfectionism.
I don’t remember when I became so perfectionistic. Continue reading

Hello Motivation! WHERE ARE YOU???!*#!

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OMG! I am so unmotivated!

Can’t seem to make up my mind on what and where to start!

I haven't painted that! I would love to be able topaint like this! It's just the photo software.

I haven’t painted that! I would love to be able to paint like this! It’s just the photo software and a pic of my messy table.

I made myself such a beautiful plan of tasks to reach goals , full of post-it papers  in all colours and precisely sorted.

And now I am stuck again!:-(
How to get motivated? I am even too unmotivated in doing nothing!!!

The sun is shining and it is warm outside, the best weather to go out in the parc and collect herbs.

My flat is a mess! In my sleeping room I have to move around piles of clean clothes,
I haven’t put in place yet and step around piles of clothes on the floor that I have to sort out.

My work space is full of piles of paper, empty bottles and dirty dishes, books, pens, full ashtray.

And tonight there is a party, I wanted to go to. Even this free time amusement IS STRESSING ME OUT!!!

 

I could just start with doing ONE thing, that will uplift me. But….

See, my bad mood is rising clouds outside! Maybe it will rain? So I cannot go and collect herbs today!!!
Yippie! task moved…procrastinated…to an unknown date…

ISN’T IT REALLY STRANGE THAT EVEN THE THINGS THAT ARE FUN TURN OUT TO  STRESS ME OUT???
AND THAT I CAN’T GET MOTIVATED EVEN FOR FUN THINGS???

messy_floor

And the other thing is: I actually know how to help myself, I could burn some incense, get some essential oils that will get me motivated, but WTF!!!
I am especially unmotivated in helping myself!

Days like this….
I will leave you and me here without any solution, no advice…just an unmotivated mood!

Hey see, I actually got motivated to write this post, at least! Hurray???

Improved And Confused: An ADD Work Life Day Story

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Yeah I  have done so much today! 🙂

I had a work date real late at 7 pm and needed to prepare a lot before that.

I researched accupuncture points and herbs for recipes for a specific condition.
Not that I havent done that several times, but where did I write that down??? I lost the papers or cant find them. Also every case is different, so I need to do research anyway.

A quick sketch of WHAT A MESS! (c) thefemmeaddon

A quick sketch of WHAT A MESS! (c) thefemmeaddon

But this time I actually did the research AND wrote it down on my computer so at least it is saved on the disc. Improve! Improve! 🙂

Then I felt so professional, when I called up a homeopathic company, to ask them about a specific remedy they make and if it suits to my client needs.

I say I felt professional, cuz it reminded me so much of games, that I used to play when I was a kid.

I had this kids post-office game with different forms, stamps and postage stamps and I loved to get everything sorted,  stamp it, write  and fill out the forms.
Yeah the kid forms to fill out, were easy and fun!:)
…not like the complicated adult forms, where You dont know what they want from You and where- in some cases- you have to be so specific and correct that if you make a mistake you pay a fee or go to jail / hell!!! 😦
I mean, no wonder so many people hate paper work if what you write can have a huge/ scary consequence!

I also loved to play something like a secretary or manager, where I would make  calls, arrange things and dates, order stuff….
Of course I didnt have to check my finances for ordering. Of course none of my calls were real…I talked to an imaginary person.
Of course none of the dates I arranged, I had actually to go to!
That was fun!!!:-)

It is often said, that ADDers should make a game of their tasks. Today  at least the call felt like a game and was fun. Afterwards.
Wanna know how my day went on? Continue reading

Overwhelmed And Lost In The Supermarket: Let Me Out!!!

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Hello Everyone and Happy New Year!!!

It is not too late for new Year wishes, is it? Well, it is still January and I think there is always a good time for good wishes! 😉

Are You all busy with trying to keep up all the good New Year’s resolutions???

I tell You what happened to me this week:
I nearly got lost in the supermarket!
Which also reminded me of how many ADDers say they are totally overwhelmed by going shopping.
Shopping is a total stress factor for me , too,  but that thing last week was just too much!

Normally I do shop in smaller shops and supermarkets, which means I have to run from one place to another to get everything together.
But I live in a small quarter of the city and my bicycle is my friend, so that works.

But this week  I went to this huge supermarket. For me it was huge, but I think for you folks out there who have Malls, it was still a small one.
I needed to bring my shoes to the shoemaker outside the supermarket and then thought, well now I am here I need a few things, let’s just quickly grab them inside the market.

Pah! What a mistake! What a wrong thinking! QUICK??? NO WAY!!

Overwhelmed in Supermarket! (c) theFemmeADDon

Overwhelmed in Supermarket! (c) theFemmeADDon

I got totally lost!

TOO MANY THINGS! I couldn’t find anything I wanted, I forgot everything I wanted!
I was walking around trying to find at least some things!
Which stressed me out even more.

And Then: Really: How should you actually find something and buy something with all this noise?
And too much information- when in fact there is no information at all, just marketing blabla!

I thought I look for a Tablet PC, as they had some, but there was this TV screen close by with some ad for …i dont know what! It was booming in my ears, an awful voice through poor speakers.

BRABRABRA!Loud! Annoying!
So I left the electronic section .

Went for food and everywhere music with ads inbetween: Buy this ! buy that! offfer! Sale! Bullshit!
Trying to find what I need, trying to remember what I want, I couldn’t! I just couldnt concentrate. Bright light, too many things , aisles, stuff!
And no way out!
I was totally overwhelmed, I just wanted to get out!
And then I lost my shopping cart and had to walk again through all the aisles  to find it! Continue reading

Happy Halloween ADHD Nightowls- Sleep Issues and ADHD

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Happy Halloween,

Happy All Hallows’ Eve
Happy Samhain
to all Witches, Monsters, Zombies, Vampires, Werewolves,  and other Nightowls ( like me) ! 🙂
And my best wishes to all those celebrating Todos Tus Muertos!

This image was selected as a picture of the we...

This image was selected as a picture of the week on the Malay Wikipedia for the 29th week, 2010. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) User: Tomascastelazo

For the last day of the ADHD Awareness Month, I wanna share some thoughts about ADHD and sleep issues, like getting to bed, relaxing, sleeping through, getting tired and all these other sleep issues we can have.

Sleep issues are very common for people with ADD.

I always say I don’t have a sleep issue- when I finally go to bed in the late night/ early morning hours,  I sleep well and as long as I can. My only problem is to get up ( in the morning).
For example right now it is almost midnight, I had a long day, but I sit here drinking caffeineited drinks and started writing a post.
As I learned, going to bed very late, is also considered a sleep issue.
Ups! So that means I have a sleep issue, too!?

How many alarms do You set, when You have an important date next day?

I set 2 alarms: one close to my bed that I press snooze for as long as I can ( could be for an hour…) and one farer away of my bed to really get up ( though I managed more than once to sleep over that farer away alarm). If it is really really important to get up, I sometimes set 3 alarms. And You?

Getting to bed earlier vs. late night Creativity flow

I say and I heard from other ADDers, too that night time is the best time for me for creative work, thoughtful thinking, writing, painting, … Best ideas come up when I am over the tiredness and awake again, it’s like if I get over the first attack of evening tiredness, i shake of my ADD distraction and can finally start to focus. Sounds familiar?
Actually night time is for many a good creative time- the house is quiet, the streets outside, too, there is noone to call and noone calls usually at that time, so
Late in the night there are less distractions!

Also you might have planned or tried to start something the whole day, only to be distracted, doing all sorts of other things and finally, when it gets late, you can focus on the actual planned project. Continue reading

ADD and Self-Sabotage: Always Questioning Myself ? vs. Positive Affirmations

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I just stumbled across another article from Bryan Hutchinson, that I like to share.

It is called “Creative Flow: There is Magic in asking Yourself the right questions”

Creative Flow: There is Magic in Asking Yourself The Right Questions – See more at: http://positivewriter.com/questions/#sthash.aQTUM7uO.dpuf
Creative Flow: There is Magic in Asking Yourself The Right Questions – See more at: http://positivewriter.com/questions/#sthash.aQTUM7uO.dpuf

http://positivewriter.com/questions/

I really like the article. Bryan is just pointing out to issues I deal a lot with, when it comes to creativity and not only creativity, but to work and life sucess in general, I would say.

Many ADDers like me, are experts in questioning themselves.
Some questions might be important, for finding better solutions, but some questions-and I would say- MOST OF THE QUESTIONS are about SELF-SABOTAGE: We are putting ourselves down, our ideas, our work flow.

savra_painted

Unfinished painting (c) thefemmeaddon

We ask questions that are more likely to destroy our self-confidence.

That often leads to disappointment, destroying the belief  that we can achieve something, destroying interest and lust for a planned project that should be fun and leads to never finishing something we actually wanted to do.

Another thing that is said in the article, I totally refer to, is that by saying: ” I will never finish this” or “I cannot do this” we forget THE POWER OF OUR THOUGHTS:

By saying these things and always thinking about our failure, we give this information out to ourselves and to the “Universe”, so that eventually this information will become true or that in the end we really start BELIEVE we cannot do this, we will never achieve this. Continue reading