It has been ages since I wrote in my blog.
This was a crazy busy year with severe health issues in my family, suddenly finding myself close again to my parents and having to take care of them. I might tell You some other time about the stress, emotional conflict and overwhelm , this sudden caretaking caused.
Having to leave my hometown so often , my business was running very low or better say crawling and actually resting!
That caused several financial panic attacks: In summer I was so broke I had no idea how to buy food for me and my cat. Of course the cat got sick, too and had to go to the Vet, which sure I did but therefor even had less money. Useless to say, that my bank account was on the maximum line of credit.
However this ADD mind of mine works, I
1. Procrastinated earning some money and remained in a state of panic
2. Finally, under extreme financial pressure, I started to write job applications for all kind of jobs that I was not really interested in – I love being self-employed!
3. Eventually I wrote applications for 2 schools to work as a teacher for Aromatherapy – Yes! I actually wanted to apply there long-time!
4. Recherched and checked out ways how to pay less for health insurance and wrote several letters to my insurance to pay less and get some money back from years before, something that was on my to-do-list for long, too.
Momentary Happy-end: 🙂
1. I now pay less for health insurance and even got some money back.
2. I am still self-employed! 🙂
3. I rented out part of my practice space- another thing I wanted to do for a year now! So that saves me some money each month.
4. I got both jobs as a docent for Aromatherapy! Hurray! :-))
Happily one of them already started in September and the next part of the lecture is next week. …well yes, i am procrastinating or not prioritizing right now, as i should either prepare my lecture or go to bed! Anything BUT writing in my Blog! well, well, …
5. A friend of mine asked me to give a paid!!! Workshop on Bodylanguage and Massage. Which I did last weekend.
After having less money then none at all I have some o.k. money for now.
After having no paid work for a long time I have to give two 4 day – lectures on Aromatherapy in a school in my town and two 8 hour workshops in Berlin. All of that in 2 months…including preparing the lectures!
Which means: Stress! Excitement! Stress! Panic, too! Excitement! Work!
And look at me:
Suddenly I am there, preparing everything in short time, being structured and working.
Suddenly I am doing and arranging things that have been sitting untouched on my to-do-list for ages.
What is this?
I have to admit I only work under extreme pressure.
I am actually a bit ashamed to say that. Even though I know how I work or how my brain works.
I mean, I had A LOT of work!
I was really afraid and panicking I won’t be able to prepare the Aromatherapy course in time. Especially after i had to follow a given and broadly defined lecture plan, having no idea what they were actually asking for.
I had very LITLLE TIME for preparation!
Every job was and is in a short time. One after the other.
This is how my brain works.
I hope my heart can cope with this panic and extreme rhythm, too.
Panic and Stress means Adrenalin and Dopamin.
And that makes me run and work and structure myself like I could not do before!
Actually, even when there is a little free time slot, like now, I procrastinate and do other things, like blog writing. It is like I am even narrowing my time on purpose just to make sure I will be much more in stress and under time pressure later! I mean crazy isn’t it? Or maybe just logic. And unconciously clever regarding how I work best!
I know I function like that.
And yes! I am very proud of what I already did and achieved!
I am proud and happy I made it. My lecture was really good and my workshops, too. And I got amazing feedback. 😉
Besides the stress and panic it was real fun! I can have my show and everybody is listening and watching!
I can answer questions ( my knowledge is appreciated) and I can inspire others and make them think, too!
I can finally give lectures and get paid!
I love teaching and most often I did for very little or no money. Or I couldn’t get enough people together for a curse—I am blaming my real bad marketing for that! which should be: First adverstising, second repetition and keeping ads and courses fresh. I did once, twice than lost interest…I tell You , very bad for business!
And I won’t think and stress myself now with the thoughts and no plans for after next week. When lecture is done and not having planned work after that.
I will control my impulsive shopping so my money does not run out quicker then it should.
I am looking forward to paint again and sew dresses when job is done! 🙂
So back to being a bit ashamed for saying I need the pressure and structure.
I would really love to take it easy and be able to give myself a structure.
I tried. Often! failed! Tried again! failed! Tried again! Failed! and so on….
Essential oils and Bach Flowers help me for the most extreme non-motivation and restless issues. They especially helped me concentrating preparing lectures. Oils like Lemon, Bergamot, Cypress.
Prescripted drugs I am still not willing to take.
I will try more. Not harder.
With a happy new experience that I can do it.
I can do it in a short time. I can even survive a 4 day lecture from 10 to 6.
I can get up in the morning.
I can even hold a great eight hour lecture without sleeping the night before cuz off being too nervous. Also knowing and experiencing and getting the feedback that my teaching is real good makes me more confident to carry on with this work.
I can do it! You can do it!
We can suddenly be able of doing things we where afraid of or worried about.
We can suddenly structure ourselves.
Often only with lots of stress but still. Ey! Who can write a paper the night before or prepare and hold a great lecture in a very short time? We can! Cause our brains run best in stress!
The only thing to remember and care is to give ourselves some space and rest after after all that stress. To charge our batteries. Then we can do lots of things!
Have You experienced running better under stress? How do You cope with pressure?
Please share your experiences and leave a comment. I’d love to read it.
P.S. I’ll add some pictures to this post later. So far words only.