….about the feeling of competition and the guilt never to do enough for my business.
Yesterday I went with a good friend to our beloved coffee-place and when I was about to leave, I saw these flyers hanging at the wall: From a woman who does walks on the wild-side and teaches about wild growing medical plants, herbal walks, something that I offered in the past many times in this area.
Well, her walks and Herbal Medicine courses are in another area of town, but hey! I felt angry of her putting flyers in MY area! How stupid is this? I mean, MY reaction?!!! There are so many people who do the same work as I do and I know that and knew that before, that I am not the only one! (this is soo BachFlower WATER VIOLET, for the feeling of being better than others)
Still, I felt like a cat who is furious that some other cat marked HER place. Not that this area belongs to me, its a public space, but still….. (Bachflower HOLLY for anger and jealousy, WILLOW for complaining about others and blaming others).
So, I tried to calm myself (WHITE CHESTNUT to calm down the mind and let go) and think about what really makes me angry. And that is, that I always thought about starting and offering new Workshops and courses, making flyers to hang out in different places, well, many many plans and ideas,… BUT no actual results! No Flyers, no new dates for worshops, walks and courses, nothing really that I have finished. ( Bachflower WILD OAT for many ideas and not finishing projects) .
So there is NO need to be angry about anyone just about me! What a sh****! So feeling guilty doesn’t help (maybe I should take some Bach Flower PINE against all that guilty feeling) and having ADHD doesn’t help either for accomplishing and finishing things (and NO excuse ) and my anger and stupid competition feeling isn’t really the best motivation (HOLLY again).
Not that I haven’t already started yesterday, before I went out, to put up a seminar for Bach Flowers and was very happy about me working on my business stuff. Instead of enjoying my happiness and work I’ve done, I got so irritated by these flyers from somebody else! ( WALNUT for irritations when starting new things, CENTAURY for general irritation by others).
And than, instead of working I procrastinate on the wwweb, while I am trying to find a smartphone that isn`t too expensive, so I can write directly from the coffee-place and everywhere else in my blog! 😉 But then, it s so hard to decide on the right one! I already know that I dont want “the fruit thing” brand, it’s too expensive and I do prefer papayas and mangos. 🙂 I decided on one that has 3,7″ display, but then hold another one with a bigger display in my hand and decided that I want at least a 4″ screen! ( Megalomania : which Bachflower? I cant find one….VINE is Dominace, VERVAIN is fanatism, dunno…)
So I spent Monday night readings reviews which makes it even worse to decide…. ( CERATO for asking others than trusting your own instinct, always beeing insecure about decisions).
But at least I finished my Bach Flower seminar, I am ready to talk about what Bach Flowers are, how to use them, how to choose them, which ideas and Philosophy about life and healing did Edward Bach have when he developed the Flower Remedies, examples about the effect of different Bach Flowers.
So now I have to ask several places and institutions if they are interested in my seminar. And please ME, do not procrastinate just go out there and ask!
Wish me luck, please. 🙂